this post was submitted on 03 Aug 2023
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A bidet. You can install it yourself in 20 minutes and enjoy a lifetime of cleaner buttholes and save on tp.
I'll never 'go' without one!
Seriously though, bidets rock. Try one, get a good one, and you'll never go back.
Every time Iβve tried to use a bidet, Iβve hated it. The water feels uncomfortable and sudden, and then I feel like I either canβt get dry with toilet paper and get chapped later, or it breaks up from the water and leaves pieces everywhere. The air dry varieties seem to contribute to chapped butt too. I know some people use wash cloths, but frankly the idea of leaving butthole cloth out in the bathroom weirds me out also.
What is the secret to enjoying these things? Am I just too damn American for them?
When I use a bidet at home, I always do a few wipes first to avoid the breakup. Then I pat down with tp after to dry.
I get that some people want to save tp, but I just want to feel clean after I drop a bomb.
Saving TP is a minor benefit. More important is never getting monkey butt, never embarrassed because your significant-other/FWB/date sees skid marks in your underwear, and no irritation from excessive wiping if you have sticky poop.
The key is to use a hose and not a fixed one. The fixed ones don't really allow you to clean where you'd like whereas the hose ones let you aim wherever. At least that's how it's been in my experience.
You have to do the bidet dance with a fixed one, works just as well.