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I’ve 🐝 bee-n fighting for two years now. I have this « job » that I’ve been stuck with forever now. My inability to enjoy the little things of life is just another indication of my dereliction: hating the bitter man I’m becoming, seeing myself in people I despise, being unable to think, speak, create.

There’s no future for me here. No way out from my work. No time to dedicate to what I love. I read the introduction of Camus’ « L’homme Révolté » about absurdism in other to be something else than a consuming shitty human, and I don’t agree with most of the moral dilemmas: killing yourself is not the same as killing another person. I’m making a choice for myself and maybe, one of the limits of this argument is that I’m imposing my absence on others…

But who might miss me? My family & friends? It’s true, there are the ones that made me stay this long, but nothing is changing, and I need to help myself.

ಥ_ಥ, maybe see you tomorrow ?

A relative has late-ish stage pulmonary fibrosis, needs oxygen in bed, and can't walk around even with oxygen. He's getting kicked out of the hospital because they can't improve him, but he might live another year or two and doesn't want to pay for hospice. I can't imagine his wife dealing with all his needs (they're both in their 70s) but I've no idea if there are programs that get him care without leaving his wife destitute. They have a fair nest egg and own their house, but he doesn't want to 'waste' their money on health care. I kinda get it, but also: he needs care.

Anyone know of programs to look at? I'm looking for useful links, but I keep hitting things that either look scammy or like they won't apply (example: if he is deemed 'disabled', doesn't the govt. basically not care at all until you are broke?)

about to finish book 9 out of 40 for the year this morning. we're also in the planning stages of something related to Beehaw which hopefully we'll fit into this month, but no promises

I recently started learning hand tool woodworking and won’t shut up about it haha. I found a few books and channels that are helpful and feel real. The more I do it, the more it’s apparent to me that many things around me are just distractions. It’s really nice to unplug from everything and make some things or practice using/sharpening my tools. Those little moments when something clicks feel weirdly fulfilling.

What do you all enjoy doing? Have you found any new passions? What do you like about it?

All this « editorial » content is so unnerving with so much shit happening in the world. It does not feel like a safe place if you doomscroll every time you browse it…

Capitalism is a game where only a few people get to win.

We have also seen time and time again that it is a game that is able to manipulate and change whatever ideology or behaviour you have to work towards its own benefit.

So the only way to actually "win" is to not play the game.

Right now that seems impossible because it is a massive collective action problem, however this whole platform is a testament to show that it's possible to overcome that kind of problem.

Reddit is a dominant platform that is starting to destroy itself. People are in turn finding alternatives such as Lemmy to satisfy the need that Reddit once did.

I view capitalism in the same way. It will never truly completely cease to exist (the same way Digg never truly died), but it can become irrelevant over time if we collectively decide to just use another system to satisfy the same needs that capitalism is satisfying today.

The one example that I can think of that tries to tackle this problem is the idea of free stores that are based on a gift economy. If more people decided to use this system instead of capitalism then capitalism will have less sway over people's lives.

And in the end it doesn't have to be specifically a free store that needs to be adopted by wider society but whatever it is does need to satisfy the same basic need that capitalism does in our current society.

I read this article recently and I was just thinking about my news consumption and how much I want to be affected by it.

I feel like it is important because shit is going on in the world however I usually don't change my habits much over it.

I also think that there should be a middle ground somewhere but I can't think of it so if anyone of you have ideas please share them.

it has been a pretty quiet week, although there was excellent schadenfreude yesterday from Ron Desantis dropping out

I'm at the limit of survival, which is not ideal. By this, I mean I have no income, no financial support, and my van doesn't start. This last bit turbocharges the first. If I can't shower, I can't go into an interview.

And so, my ex shows up, as she always does. She moved back to Oregon and discovered that where one is at does not assist what one wants. So she's in Texas now, needing to be useful in some way that her increasingly shitty job cannot provide.

Which puts us on the same path for the first time since meeting 14 years ago. There was a lot of throat-clearing on the call last night before we realized we'd found our own paths to the same place. I don't know what this means ... I don't think regaling y'all with details is particularly helpful, but she has energy I don't to throw at my family, who's given up on me because I see late-stage capitalism for what it is.

Given prior art that would necessitate a trigger warning, I can't see being part of the machinery that tells us to obey.

But what's so absurd is the person who may be my biggest exponent is also the person who crushed me and turned me into who I am. It's like Stockholm Syndrome on steroids.

I’m trying to get accustomed to writing asynchronous/concurrent Rust or any language!

I just want to build software that helps people, and hopefully makes friends along the way.

Watching the drama around kagi unfold and it has me wondering how much you take into consideration a creator's view on things like homophobia, sexism, racism, etc. when deciding to use a product. I think most of us have a bar somewhere (I would imagine very few on this website would ever consider registering on an altright platform), so where is that bar for you? What about art? Have you boycotted JKR or dropped your opinion about Picasso because they're transphobic and misogynistic respectively? Is it about the general vibe of a product or piece of media, or are you more discerning? What goes into this decision and why?

What are your favorite charities? What do you regularly give to? I have some empty space in my "secular tithing" budget that I'm looking to fill in.

currently on book 4 for the year (goal of 40)

Currently, we have $6,500.91 in our hopper.

It just seems weird having all of those, mostly, unused funds sitting there doing nothing.

I just wanted to start the conversation about the possibility of paying-it-forward in some capacity. For example, a certain percentage of monthly contributions could go to a charity.

What are your thoughts?

it's week 2 of 2024 and Holy Fuck Is It Windy Out There right now, oh god

I made a post on r/civ (Civilization games subreddit) showing a really funky shaped randomly generated river I saw and most comments were fine but one guy was convinced that I went through the comparatively monumental effort of opening the map editor and changing the river for karma, as opposed to just starting the game and taking a screenshot.

And just to top it off another guy saw the fact that my scout unit was in the far north of the map and went on an obscenely condescending diatribe about how "ackshually" I should be placing my units in the far south of the map because that way I can explore better and whatever the hell. Dude did not stop for one second to consider that maybe the scout that was in the far north was exploring the cool river and that I didn't waste any production points on him because I got him for free from a tribal village...

God every time I go on that website (because let's be honest not a whole lot of good communities here for what I'm interested in) I get excited to share something super innocent and then some total loser has to come and ruin it all.

Over the years I’ve been trying to encapsulate, as simply as possible, what Beehaw interactions would look like ideally.

I kept coming back to all of my personal memories having holiday meals (Thanksgiving and Christmas for example) with very close family and friends.

Thinking back through decades of these meetings, I cannot remember anything but everyone being kind and charitable in action as well as speech.

Many pages of very thoughtful and reasonable philosophic explanations have been written, on our sidebar, about the behavioral expectations of Beehaw.

Let’s go back to the holiday meals for a moment and imagine having an open invitation for anyone to join. What do you think the outcomes would be?

This is the problem that our endeavor is experiencing. The open nature of ActivityPub (allowing anyone to join our table) is defeating our purpose.

The administrators, moderators and community members have been thinking about this for several months.

I, personally, believe that we all will come to a comfortable consensus moving forward.

Several months ago Beehaw received a report about CSAM (i.e. Child Sexual Abuse Material). As an admin, I had to investigate this in order to verify and take the next steps. This was the first time in my life that I had ever seen images such as these. Not to go into great detail, but the images were of a very young child performing sexual acts with an adult.

The explicit nature of these images, the gut-wrenching shock and horror, the disgust and helplessness were very overwhelming to me. Those images are burnt into my mind and I would love to get rid of them but I don’t know how or if it is possible. Maybe time will take them out of my mind.

In my strong opinion, Beehaw must seek a platform where NO ONE will ever have to see these types of images. A software platform that makes it nearly impossible for Beehaw to host, in any way, CSAM.

If the other admins want to give their opinions about this, then I am all ears.

I, simply, cannot move forward with the Beehaw project unless this is one of our top priorities when choosing where we are going to go.

Anyone having issues with Jerboa on Beehaw today? Mine just opens and crashes. Did the clear cashe and storage thing. No effect. Have not tried reinstall.