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Gay men, what would you like to explain about the "gay best friend" stereotype to staight people? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 10 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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To be clear, im queer and im in a relationship with a gay cis man.

Some days ago we were watching a sketch on YouTube about the gay best friend stereotype, where the joke was basically "I can be misogynistic and can walk into female dressing rooms because im gay". I was trying to gather my thoughts to write a piece about it, personally I have no problem being the "gay friend" to my female friends, but there are a lot of stupid and harmful misconceptions about it. I would like to hear some of your opinions about it.

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago

I thought about this a little more. When you asked do I believe I have less right to initiate that than they do. I actually think the answer is yes.

Taking the situation to a wider lens I am not traditionally a person that is preyed on and victimized for my body nearly as much. I don’t think it would ever be appropriate for me to initiate a situation like that with any woman. Based on cultural and historical context it would be much more likely that a man, if he were uncomfortable, would leave that situation than it would be for a woman to do the same for fear of her own safety. The power dynamic is different whether that’s real in the situation or perceived. I would never want to inflict that on someone else.

Of course men can be preyed on and put into uncomfortable or dangerous situations as well. I’m not saying anything to contradict that. No gender is a monolith but overall it’s probably a safer bet to let a woman initiate that than a man as a general rule. It’s a complicated topic and even more so when you consider it outside of the gender binary. But that’s how I perceive my role in this situation.