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Have you ever apologized to someone you wronged for a very long time, or received an unexpected apology in a similar way? (mander.xyz)

submitted 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Such a long title.

Basically I'm wondering if this happens IRL, and how. I've heard countless stories of people who hold a grudge against family members /ex partners/ ex friends/ neighbours etc. for years, and they do horrible things to each other. Or maybe just the cold shoulder can be rough especially for such a long time. But not so many stories of people in these situations who suddenly talk things out unexpectedly, out of their own will and not because they kept getting nagged about whatever happened.

I've also heard about people who screw up big once, never acknowledge or apologize, then everyone puts the episode behind and moves on. But I've never heard about suddenly this person perhaps decades afterwards just actually addressing their screw up and apologizing.

So, have you ever received one of these big, unexpected apologies? Or have you ever apologized for something you did you never thought you would want or dare to apologize for?

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I'm very accustomed to trying to do this because I remember everyone I've wronged and think about things in my past a lot.

I've realized however that apologizing doesn't mean that the person you've wronged because of an instance they've wronged you before will ever change how they treat you. Even if you two were best friends. I had a very toxic friend in highschool who never owned up to something he did to me and I never really got over it. Instead of moving on I fought back, but looking back I can at least acknowledge he is a narcissist and never wanted me to be happy in the first place. I wronged him by letting my emotions take over, but he was oblivious to the pain he put me or anybody else through. It's that mantra that keeps me from wanting to fight him again even if it's been years and years. I want to get over it and I think I can with enough change in my life but God damn I never thought I'd feel that kind of rage.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago

That's a very true distinction, apologizing doesn't necessarily mean the person has changed, but it is a sign that they've acknowledged they should have acted differently. I also had a friend who did some very stupid things and I'm sure she's oblivious to the pain she caused all around her, so I feel you with that one.