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Have you ever apologized to someone you wronged for a very long time, or received an unexpected apology in a similar way? (mander.xyz)

submitted 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Such a long title.

Basically I'm wondering if this happens IRL, and how. I've heard countless stories of people who hold a grudge against family members /ex partners/ ex friends/ neighbours etc. for years, and they do horrible things to each other. Or maybe just the cold shoulder can be rough especially for such a long time. But not so many stories of people in these situations who suddenly talk things out unexpectedly, out of their own will and not because they kept getting nagged about whatever happened.

I've also heard about people who screw up big once, never acknowledge or apologize, then everyone puts the episode behind and moves on. But I've never heard about suddenly this person perhaps decades afterwards just actually addressing their screw up and apologizing.

So, have you ever received one of these big, unexpected apologies? Or have you ever apologized for something you did you never thought you would want or dare to apologize for?

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Yes.

I met up with my ex for lunch decades back when she came to town on other business. She took me to lunch and apologized for taking me for granted and generally not being a very good girlfriend at the time.

Similarly, my brother called me up one day and took the time to apologize how how he'd acted the whole time we were growing up together and years afterwards.

I think it was more experience and better perspective for the first, and more maturity for the second, that triggered the self-reflection and apologies.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Thanks for sharing! Did these have much of an effect on you, or were you already over the events?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

My relationship with my brother really improved after, now we're on good terms and can trust in mutual respect in our interactions.

With my ex, it really helped me reëvaluate my behavior as a partner; instead of just "what have I done wrong" I now also am mindful of what I have done right, and I was able to carry that forward into my next relationship, which I've been in for fourteen years now.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

That's an unexpected silver lining with your ex, I didn't consider the positive feedback would be so useful, but you're right. Glad to know things got better for you!