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Have you ever apologized to someone you wronged for a very long time, or received an unexpected apology in a similar way? (mander.xyz)

submitted 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Such a long title.

Basically I'm wondering if this happens IRL, and how. I've heard countless stories of people who hold a grudge against family members /ex partners/ ex friends/ neighbours etc. for years, and they do horrible things to each other. Or maybe just the cold shoulder can be rough especially for such a long time. But not so many stories of people in these situations who suddenly talk things out unexpectedly, out of their own will and not because they kept getting nagged about whatever happened.

I've also heard about people who screw up big once, never acknowledge or apologize, then everyone puts the episode behind and moves on. But I've never heard about suddenly this person perhaps decades afterwards just actually addressing their screw up and apologizing.

So, have you ever received one of these big, unexpected apologies? Or have you ever apologized for something you did you never thought you would want or dare to apologize for?

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[–] [email protected] 41 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I was a bully to the whiny and sensitive kid in my friends group. Everyone kind of poked fun at him so me being a kid, I did the same.

I genuinely apologized to him 10 years later as it was gnawing at me all those years and he didn’t accept it. He told me how the teasing messed up his self esteem and contributed to mental health problems he still deals with.

I felt so unbelievably awful for having that effect on him for all that time that I didn’t know what to say. I figured if I hurt him that much the best thing I can do for him is disappear completely. I haven’t been very social since out of fear of hurting someone like that again. Keeps me up sometimes and I find myself thinking about it when I daydream.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 10 months ago

Sorry to hear that's how it went. Good on you for actually apologizing, I hope he can eventually forgive although it seems that's going to require a lot of introspection on his side too which isn't easy. Bear in mind that in spite of what you did, you are not 100% responsible for how things developed on his side. There are so many factors affecting mental health and self esteem. If you've truly changed then you will know better than repeating the same mistakes in the future with someone else, so don't let that hold you back.