this post was submitted on 20 Jul 2023
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Look... I don't feel like shit when I get nothing done because I've been brainwashed by the ruling class to tie my self-worth to my usefulness as a slave.
I feel like shit because I have this reservoir of energy that slowly builds up throughout the day, to the point where—if I don't start draining it by doing stuff that requires spoons—I will lie awake at night wondering why I can't get to sleep, extending it into a viscious circle where i'll feel too tired to do anything the next day but still end up laying awake at night too energized to sleep
Yeah, I think this is an important thing to be aware of. I 100% get and understand the need to reinforce self-worth outside of what's traditionally pushed. But that's not the whole story, and I don't see much on the other side of it.
It's when you get that anxiety/depression cocktail alongside things, unable to find the motivation to do the things you need to do to feel adequately drained, or unable to do the things that adequately energize.
It's when you fall flat and feel horrible, not because of a corporate agenda, but because real people depended on you and you couldn't show up.
It's when you took the advice, and followed your rhythms of the day, and stopped going against your mental grain.... and then you missed your work deadline, or messed up your work and screwed someone over, or accidentally estranged family members, or didn't get that medical treatment you needed.
It's really important people don't tie up in the self-worth of productivity and corporations - it's really easy to prioritize those because we're told all of our lives that they're worth prioritizing - and that leads to us ignoring our own needs... But unless you're very fortunate, work and productivity are needs, and finding ways to exert energy in a healthy (and often relaxing!) way is important.
I don't know where I'm going with this.
Well in my case I try to work on personal projects , a code / podcast or write a book and then forget about them for months open them again , feel overwhelmed and then close them without work !