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So, on pronouns. (lemmy.ml)

submitted 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I have a few questions on how to best behave to be as welcoming and inclusive as possible without sounding bad. I hope you guys don't hate me.

I'm just a straight male. Are my pronouns he/him? Is that how I should tell people? Do you actually tell them as you meet them ? Do I have to wait for a certain social cue ?

How about online. Should I tell people or have it on my personal profile somewhere?

And about respecting other people's pronouns. How do i figure them out ? Is it a big faux pas if I don't before I know them ? Is it a faux pas if I refer to someone I just met and I assumed to be male as he/him?

I've never seen anyone referring to anyone irl by non conventional pronouns. Is it an actual thing or is it currently being pushed to make the world a more inclusive place?

I'd love some help with all of this.

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[–] [email protected] 23 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (2 children)

Hello! Resident Genderfluid person here. Usually you can just ask their name and that works to get them to give you the greeting they like. They look like a James, but give you the name Samantha? Probably safe to use she/her unless doing so has them ask you to use something else. IRL, at least.

Online? It's usually in a bio or they will tell you if it is functionally relevant. The only people I (anecdotally) have seen devolve into scree when accidentally misgendered were people trying to start something or acting for the sake of poisoning the well.

As far as using non conventional pronouns irl, you probably haven't heard it since it is genuinely dangerous to be outed in a lot of places. Look up gay/trans panic laws. It's dangerous to be queer in America with Conservatives having so much sway right now.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago

I would also assume that if someone who looks like a James introduces themselves as Samantha, it's absolutely fine to ask for the correct pronouns, or ask them to confirm it's female pronouns. Samantha would probably actually appreciate it.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

As far as using non conventional pronouns irl, you probably haven't heard it since it is genuinely dangerous to be outed in a lot of places.

This is usually true enough for rule of thumb, but can vary wildly by geography. I would be willing to help smuggle a gender minority out of a rural zone, whereas I wouldn't be too surprised to hear "ze/zim" in some cities. In general, the GSRM community will appreciate a cis ally signaling ally-ship. OP, as long as it's safe for you, the community would appreciate your announcing pronouns; it signals that you are not a totally garbage human.