this post was submitted on 02 May 2024
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Fwiw, nothing to do with gender but I hate being addressed as sir/ma'am, especially by people I don't know. It's unnecessarily formal and I know most people think it's a respectfl thing but to me it's somewhat insulting and makes me uncomfortable. Thank you is plenty.
I feel this way too. I know nearly who calls me ma’am is intending to be courteous and I don’t hold it against them. That said, knowing they are well intended doesn’t make me less uncomfortable.
Also the idea of sir being the term of respect for all men and even boys but ma’am being for “older” women adds some baked in unavoidable sexism, no matters how genuinely-not-actually-sexiest the speaker is. There are just necessary built in assumptions about the addressee when you have to choose between ma’am and miss (or similar). The implication is that societal value of women, and not men, is age-determined. The former often makes a woman feel undesirably old and the latter often makes her feel infantalized. It’s the same as the Mr./Mrs./Miss situation, where moving just to Mr. and Ms. alleviates that tension a bit. No clear answer for sir and ma’am honorifics though.
Where I grew up, that's not the case. Ma'am or madam is for any adult woman, and often for kids you are treating like adults.
I know it's different on the East Coast, but I still feel silly calling a grown woman "miss".
I feel there is no need for them so just dropping them is the best solution - anyone who expects them or is insulted by not using them is an entitled ass.
I can see uncomfortable (same for me), but insulted?
Yeah, somewhat, because I'm not some entitled ass when thinks I'm better than you, I'm not a military officer in charge of you, and I'm not so old that you need to be deferential because I come from another time and expect it.
Some groups mostly use it as an insult. “You can’t handle being treated as an equal so I’m going to get overly formal and distant with you” I often use it with “with all due respect [none]”.
It’s basically “sir you’re making a scene” to some people