Asklemmy

42502 readers

2459 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy 🔍

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

Open-ended question
Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

Lemmyverse: community search
sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
[email protected]: a community for finding communities

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_[email protected]~

founded 5 years ago

MODERATORS

[email protected]

120

How should I change my polite behavior to be more accommodating? (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 2 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

102 comments fedilink hide all child comments

My parents raised me to always say "yes sir" and "no ma'am", and I automatically say it to service workers and just about anyone with whom I'm not close that I interact with. I noticed recently that I had misgendered a cashier when saying something like "no thank you, ma'am" based on their appearing AFAB, but on a future visit to the store they had added their pronouns (they) to their name tag. I would feel bad if their interaction with me was something they will remember when feeling down. This particular person has a fairly androgynous haircut/look and wears a store uniform, so there's no gender clue there.

I am thinking I need to just stop saying "sir" and "ma'am" altogether, but I like the politeness and I don't know how I would replace it in a gender-neutral way. Is there anything better than just dropping it entirely?

For background I'm a millennial and more than happy to use people's correct pronouns if I know them!

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I think just go the Invader Zim route and infer honorifics by height.

"Yes, my tallest" and "forgive me, my tallest" should cover you in most yes/no situations.

And if they're not taller than you? Well then they're less intelligent, so you can turn up your nose in scorn and look over heads until they go away.

I learned a lot of about social interaction from that show.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (3 children)

Funny, but problematic. I know it's a joke.

I like the idea to use unexpected cumpliment, as "my connoisseur", "my most esteemed", "my commander", "my captain", "my sibling", "my comrade", "boss", "friend", or something.

Pointing at physical characteristics? Not as amazing.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Come to brasil where people are called champion, master, professor, doctor, or warrior.

Saying thanks to the cashier? “Thanks, doctor”

Edit: But Portuguese is gendered so I guess this doesn’t avoid the original problem… except in English it would

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

Commander, captain, uncle, brother, comrade, Chief, big friend Bring us down another round

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

I quite like the idea of something in the spirit of "yes my good fellow", with fellow obviously being a bit too masculine despite its chuminess.

What about using some generic gender neutral names like Robin or Quinn (even if their name isn't Robin or Quinn):

"Yes my good Robin" or "Yes my good Quinn"

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago

Pointing at physical characteristics? Not as amazing.

Worse? Or better?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

If they are short do you use "Short <king/queen/sovereign>" instead?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

No, you call them "shorty" and make wild claims about it being their birthday