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how's your week going, Beehaw
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this post was submitted on 17 Jun 2024
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Relaxed section for discussion and debate that doesn't fit anywhere else. Whether it's advice, how your week is going, a link that's at the back of your mind, or something like that, it can likely go here.
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Miserable. I'm moving but I can't get off the hook for my last two rent payments. Combined with rent at my new place, they're going to destroy my savings account. Plus I owe $900 for a urine test. Also I accidentally left my adderall in the car for several 90°F days and I swear I cooked it, it's not working. So I have to pay for that, too.
I've technically had good times! I've been more social than usual, invited coworkers out and I guess had fun? But all I can ever think about is money and moving.
ETA also honestly the way my family and friends talk about me is getting to me. I try not to make it my whole deal but I do have some psychological issues. Mostly some trauma-related disorders but also a couple minor learning disabilities. My psych thinks I'm autistic but I didn't want to pursue a diagnosis since there aren't any reasonable sensory accommodations for my job.
But my family has flat-out told me that I can't have any of those things, I'm "the good one". They self dx with all those things to explain why they can't keep jobs or be independent. I have a job and am independent and it hurts their egos, so they tell me I don't have the things I've been in treatment for for years.
My friends do a weird thing where they try to self deprecate but dismiss my problems in the process. I attempted to open up about some heavy stuff once (I thought it was appropriate given the tone of the conversation), and my friend immediately started saying how much worse a person he is and how I must hate him because I'm dealing with my suicidal feelings so much better.
He also tried to self deprecate by saying that it's not fair that his mental illness makes him a bad person, but mine makes me a good person??
I feel so guilty because I'm honestly spiraling but everyone keeps telling me I'm not. I can't, because it makes them look worse.
That's… I would find maturer friends. I can't believe that's what their reaction is to your difficulties.
Tbh it's mainly one friend, it just took me way too long to realize that it wasn't normal to be talked to that way because everyone else treats it as normal. They used to swoop in to comfort him before I talked to them about it.
It's just hard to pull back because we've been so enmeshed for almost a decade now 🙁
That's a long time. Well, thankfully, we don't have to tell even our closest friends everything. You're always free to compartmentalize and share different things with people who you think are most likely to help you. I don't think there's any one person with whom I share everything, personally, at least at the moment.
Yeah, that's something I've been thinking about myself. I think I have trouble holding it in because I really strongly believe in emotionally supporting the people I care about, but I get resentful if I keep letting people lean on me while feeling like I couldn't ask for the same thing.
I'm trying to make more casual friendships to remove that inequality. People I can just hang out with, but without that emotional expectation that always seems to fall on one person.
Some, perhaps many, would say, "As you should."
Trust is a big deal. Trust is, basically, belief in the future presence of another's support—whether emotional, or whatever you want to define it as, which can change per person.
This is why solid, trustworthy friendships take soooo long to develop, even literal years; they are mutual support, and people are so different that the best way to uncover this (since you certainly can't force it) is through time and lesser experiences, which sort of double as tests of trustworthiness. While I've lethargically been on my way out of Christianity for years now, Luke 16:10 comes to mind.
Small acts of leaning should be reciprocated. If not, back off in both depth and frequency of communication and seek out others who do reciprocate.
I suppose I passively assess based on simply how the other person responds to questions of any kind involving my or their life, or my decisions. If there is a general trend of negativity, and your efforts to change it aren't working, then it's time to step back and look elsewhere.