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submitted 3 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

EDIT: Thanks so much everyone. Great answers. This has been fun. Keep it going as long as you want!

DISCLAIMER: Silly Thought Exercise: NOT AN ENDORSEMENT OF REPLACING BIDEN. I personally do not think replacing Biden is a good idea at this stage in the election. I think that's more dangerous than keeping him, sadly, but he's who we've got. I'm just looking for shitposty thoughts on this question, please and thank you.


What-over-the-top absurd person would you choose to replace Biden who you think could actually body Trump, and why?

For an example, my choice would be based on the idea that the only thing that makes a bully like Trump wilt is a bigger bully. Secondly, US citizens love trash talking and sports and absolutely will vote for someone who is already famous, they certainly love their celebrities. Finally, what better sport for trash talk than basketball?

In that, my choice would be basketball legend Larry Bird. (he's famously apolitical, so it's hard to know if he would actually be politically aligned against Trump.)

...but, the thing is, Larry Bird is a masterclass trash talker.

And that is really what throws Trump off and throws him into obscene tantrums where his composure is lost and he comes off like a whining loser: when he's been taken down a peg by someone else. Nothing sticks deeper in his craw. I don't think he could handle Larry Bird's level of shit-talk, Bird is like god-tier.

I can imagine Bird calling Trump out and saying he can smell his shit-filled diaper from across the auditorium, obviously Bird would describe more colorfully than I. The thing is, I can also see that absolutely throwing Trump into hysterics.

Also, at 67 Bird's a fucking spring chicken compared to Biden or Trump.

So, I'm hoping for answers that are a bit silly, like this. Larry Bird is obviously not actually a good choice for this. I just like chuckling at the idea, because real life has gotten so absurd I need to hide in even deeper absurdity.


What's your absurd Biden replacement? Please, I think we could use some laughs.

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[-] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago

It's Vermin Supreme's moment

[-] [email protected] 10 points 2 days ago

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. We get the absurdity of a puppet and the entertainment of a puppet throwing insults at Trump.

[-] [email protected] 8 points 1 day ago
[-] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago

Conan O'Biden

[-] [email protected] 11 points 2 days ago

Okay okay hear me out.

Megatron.

[-] [email protected] 4 points 2 days ago

Only is Starscream gets to be the VP

[-] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago

He is a revolutionary...

[-] [email protected] 53 points 2 days ago

Sacha Baron Cohen.

The appeal of Trump's rhetoric and populist message is entirely subconscious, and doesn't stand up to even a few moments of critical analysis. Baron Cohen has a genius-level understanding of how to get into people's heads, and what's more, he can do it fluently, on-the-fly. His U.S. presidential candidate character would totally dismantle MAGA.

[-] [email protected] 5 points 2 days ago
[-] [email protected] 14 points 2 days ago

The guy seems to be able to sweet talk his way in to any room and convince people to do and say the most humiliating things on camera. If him being British become an issue I think he can just act his way out of it and somehow everyone will believe him in spite of it being a publicly known fact.

[-] [email protected] 7 points 2 days ago

This is fantasy, who cares. Lots of non-US-born people have been suggested and a bunch of fictional people got suggested, so whatever, you know?

I'd take Ali G Inda(White)house.

[-] [email protected] 4 points 2 days ago

Yes, but he gets so deep into character, he could turn American!

[-] [email protected] 16 points 2 days ago

I found a guy on linkedin that has the same name, just slot him in and pretend nothing happened, wouldn't even have to change any of the campaign marketing. Dude looks to be in his 20s and manages a coffee place, definitely more than qualified.

[-] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Frank fucking Zappa.... were he not dead. Even dead he's a better choice.

[-] [email protected] 24 points 2 days ago

Taylor Swift. Not that I think she's absurd. I just think she'd have absolutely zero time for Trump's bullshit, and would probably write some very cutting lyrics about it.

[-] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago

Let's not pin cult leaders against each other now

[-] [email protected] 6 points 1 day ago

Cult problems require cult solutions

[-] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I really, really want to see Jordan Klepper debate with interview Trump and not hold back at all.

[-] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago

John Browns Body.

I think we would be better off with any rotting corpse over Trump, but old John at least fought for something good once

[-] [email protected] 14 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

a masterclass trash talker. And that is really what throws Trump off and throws him into obscene tantrums where his composure is lost and he comes off like a whining loser: when he’s been taken down a peg by someone else. Nothing sticks deeper in his craw.

That's an interesting point, I was actually kind of annoyed that Biden was insulting Trump as I saw it as stooping to his level, but your comment on that does make it seem like a valid strategy.

I don't think he could win, but for a laugh I'd love to see Hunter Biden replace Joe lol convicted felon vs convicted felon!

[-] [email protected] 7 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Joe Biden is way too classy to really insult him. I felt like he was just being honest about who Trump is and what he has done. If it's insulting, it's Trumps fault for that being who he really is.

Like, there's reports Trump actually did shit himself during the debate (Sorry about the link to X, can't find it elsewhere). Joe Biden is way too classy to call Trump out for such a thing.

I agree, though! Hunter is just done even trying to have any semblance of reasonableness or classiness with the right wingers, so he'd probably be like "Okay, fuck this, let's get dirty."

[-] [email protected] 95 points 3 days ago

I think Weird Al Yankovic would be the perfect opponent. The absurdity of a political debate where Trump spouts absolute nonsense in a perfectly serious manor while Al lays serious facts in the most nonsensical form would be the show of the century and weird Al has better qualifications for the job by trumps standards having maintained cultural relevancy and financial stability for 4 decades. Plus he's jest super likeable.

[-] [email protected] 42 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

He's also a perfect counterpoint as a healthy representative of the Christian religion. It's the reason he doesn't curse in his songs. He's a good clean, Christian boy!

Would they let him respond to debate questions in song with his accordion? Dear GOD I hope so.

...with Vice President... hang on I'm having trouble reading this... Hot Saucerman? Shock Jockerman? Trick Shotterman? Yacht Rockerman? Who is this guy??

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[-] [email protected] 66 points 3 days ago
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[-] [email protected] 37 points 3 days ago

Bill Burr or Jon Stewart, either one of them would absolutely crush Trump on a debate stage and people would line up to watch it.

[-] [email protected] 16 points 3 days ago

While I think Jon Stewart would make a better president than either of those jackasses, that would be such a cruel thing to do to such a good person.

[-] [email protected] 19 points 3 days ago

I don't know that I want Jon Stewart as a POTUS, I just want him one on one with Trump and Trump isn't allowed to leave or call off the debate. Jon Stewart is what the Founding Fathers meant the press to be. They wanted the press to be a 4th check on government outside the separation of powers and not a mouthpieces of the government.

[-] [email protected] 22 points 3 days ago

I can almost hear Bill going "ohhh, shut the fuck up, ya fat ahrange piece a' shit!"

[-] [email protected] 10 points 2 days ago
[-] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago

As Bobby Newport pls

[-] [email protected] 8 points 2 days ago

No one will ever be able to complain about his age since he doesn't age and just owns a painting of himself that ages instead.

[-] [email protected] 39 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

~~John~~ Stewart

Edit: Sorry I meant his brother, Jon Stewart

[-] [email protected] 28 points 3 days ago

Stewart/Colbert ticket would absolutely rock his orange ass off.

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[-] [email protected] 18 points 3 days ago
[-] [email protected] 32 points 3 days ago
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[-] [email protected] 35 points 3 days ago

Vermin Supreme, because every American deserves a pony

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[-] [email protected] 17 points 3 days ago

A Martha Stewart/Snoop Dogg ticket would be interesting. I kinda want to see Snoop in the debate though so maybe a Snoop Dogg/Martha Stewart ticket.

If you want to guarantee a win though Oprah is the answer. Just to maximize Trump's rage I say we need Oprah/RuPaul 2024.

[-] [email protected] 8 points 2 days ago

forget Martha Stewart – but Snoop Dogg and Willie Nelson as heads of the DEA and FDA

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this post was submitted on 28 Jun 2024
96 points (89.3% liked)

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