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I know I answered last week but I just need to vent: my sibling and their boyfriend invited me on vacation and it's actually kind of depressing. I forgot they both have sleep apnea, not their faults, but we're up for less than 12 hours every day and keep shooting down my suggestions because they're tired. We're late for everything because they always need 2-3 more hours of sleep than they told me.

Our hotel room's door is broken so if I leave on my own I can't get back in. I lived with my sibling long enough to know that if they lock me out, I'll be banging on the door shouting for ages to get back in.

I wanted to see the sights... We're on day two out of three and we've done a little shopping. We leave early tomorrow.

I've been so frugal and overworked to cover these costs, why can't we at least grab a local coffee instead of a national chain? I'm in a new place, I want to act like it!

UPDATE finally dragged their sleepy asses to one of the wonders of the world 🥺 it's everything I imagined. Sorry for griping

Too much responsibility, too many expectations. Even when I'm not working I feel it. I need a long vacation.

Update on my interview, I got the fucking job! I'll be back in VR QA as a QA Analyst contracted at 20 hours a week with potential to go full time later in development, they're paying about £18 ($22.72) - £20 ($25.24) an hour which is amazing as well, I can't wait to actually have money again... I start in Mid April once I sign the contract (once they have actually written it up fully) and the NDA as well since the game is currently in development. Company seems very well managed too, I am working with two of my best friends from my old job who were absolutely lovely to work with (they actually got me the interview to begin with), so I am super excited to start mid April and to get an eye on the project we are gonna be making.

I am so fucking happy.

Last weekend I finally had my hormones in order after more than two decades of dissociation and discomfort.

It was like I woke up and the descriptions suddenly had a vividness, like someone upped the gain on my qualia. It's hard to believe that this is what most of you feel every day. It's such a privilege.

I just kept smelling my spices and enjoying the view outside, and the feeling of cold air on my lungs was amazing. And I could finally just feel OK and relax. The creepiest sensation was being deeply connected to my body and the fear of death it gave me. It's visceral. How do you guys even deal with this?

Been a rough week. Friend is going through a crisis and pushing everyone away. I'm simultaneously worried and mad. He kept giving reasons for being mad at us that contradicted his previous reasons, before going no contact with all of us.

I've checked his socials here and there to make sure he's alive. I'm sure he'll be back but I don't think I can keep doing this.

My siblings have both already done the thing where they threaten to kill themselves then get mad when I take it seriously. I can't have a third person doing that.

Sorry if that was heavy. It's just hard because I love him but I carry all this grief from people who keep telling me they'll die if I make a wrong move...

Work has been going okay. I'm (unfortunately) getting back into Runescape, so that's been my main method of passing the time both in the slower parts of my shift plus my weekends. I'm getting coffee with my big sister this coming weekend and, barring any last-minute hesitation, I intend to come out to her. I don't know how she'll respond, but she's always been the one person I can go to with stuff that I don't feel comfortable talking to my parents about, so I have my fingers crossed.