I was denied a mathematics education, for real. I can't even do long division, nevermind that squiggly F shit. I thought that stuff was only for astrophysicists.

I want to learn basic maths, but I'm in a 'learned helplessness' mindset where I can't even get through basic sums and equations intended for children (I'm old as fuck now).

I was diagnosed with autism a few years back, which kinda made no sense. I would have expected rainman powers, but numbers just don't jive with my cunt of a brain. Maths is as inscrutable to me as people's faces or social cues.

It's the paper cut law.

Having your leg wrenched off at the thigh by a syphilitic alligator: 8/10

Banging the back of your head on the corner of the open cupboard door as you stand up from a crouch: 11/10

Wear a condom.