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How often do you get existential dread? (lemmy.dbzer0.com)

submitted 10 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I'm pushing half a century in an industry that is not kind to old guys. I try to fend it off but every now and then it hits me. I'm pretty sure this is not unique to my life experience, or it wouldn't have a term :-)

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[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

I used to experience it 24/7 a few years ago, before I was medicated for the countless mental disorders I have. Nowadays, I don't think I've experienced it in at least a couple years.

I've just decided at this point that I don't care if my life has any sort of meaning. I still do fun things and have passions, but I don't do those to give my life meaning, I do it to just feel good for now.

And days, sometimes weeks and months where I wake up and think "I don't want to do anything. I just want to sit and rot." I just do that. Makes those days easier to get through. Doesn't matter if my existence has no meaning for a while. Doesn't matter if it never does again. I'm just ok with whatever happens.

And one day when I die, I'll be ok with it. To me, no matter what I do it'll all eventually fade away with time. Eventually, nobody will remember me. But the particles and energy that made me up will always exist, and the things I did will help determine their final resting place at the heat death of the universe. All I have to do to make a permanent mark on the world is simply exist.

But I dunno. I've been off my meds for a bit for various reasons, so maybe I'm just going crazy.