this post was submitted on 24 Jul 2023
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Hi there, I've been in that "wouldn't mind if something happened" phase for five years or so, with spurts of active ideation. I have chronic tonic clonic (lmfao) seizures (epilepsy), have chronic depression, I've developed agoraphobia and have been self-isolating similar to you. I've also lost 35lbs the past couple years from an already less-than-healthy weight. Every therapy session is about food and it's exhausting. Every week it's "what got in your way of eating?", "what am I missing?", "How can we make it easier to eat next week?"... (it's good therapy, just frustrating).
I'm a good friend but whenever my friends ask about me I feel like I never have anything but doom and gloom when they're off living l vibrant lives (not without their own struggles of course). So it's hard to feel like it's worth being my friend and like I'm doing them a favor pulling away.
Probably nothing helpful in there, just turned into my own venting... Lol. But if you don't currently see a psychologist or therapist please do look into it.
There's always some sort of solace in knowing that you're not alone with your issues, and that others are going through similar things. I've occasionally felt like I really shouldn't have anything to complain about, because it could be worse, but that sort thinking really doesn't help either