this post was submitted on 08 Aug 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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top 42 comments
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[–] [email protected] 103 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Being grateful is pretty neat but make sure to reciprocate! - "Suck her clit every morning to thank her for choosing you" πŸ₯°

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 month ago

β€œFlick that bean to let her know how much she means.”

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (4 children)

My girl doesn't like oral :(

But I love giving it so much it's actually a curse

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago

Triplets I guess. Sometimes we trade of for other things I guess.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

This is a tragedy

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

There are DOZENS of us.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago

Haha it's the job market all over again. How are ya going to get better at oral if you never get to practice?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

I think the original quote has more of a Weinstien implication but yours is a lot more wholesome

[–] [email protected] 91 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago

Nyahahahahahahah

[–] [email protected] 34 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Really? The america has a blowjob crisis lady?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

We're sexless and afraid.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 month ago (1 children)

never expected oprah to say something i'd expect a self-proclaimed "alpha male" who's actually an incel to say. what a time to be alive...

[–] [email protected] 67 points 1 month ago (1 children)

(psst it's not a real quote).

[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 month ago (2 children)

lol ate the onion again

in my defense, i still believe j.d. vance fucks couches

[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 month ago (3 children)

You think Oprah has sucked a dick since becoming a billionaire?

[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 month ago (3 children)

I wouldn't stop performing oral if I became a billionaire, why would anyone? It's fun.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Do you think Queen Elizabeth sucked dick? These are the questions that plague me and keep me awake at night.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

I bet she was even more freaky than that. Rich people who come from a long line of rich people in a sexually repressed upper class are freaks man, for real.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

When it happens do you say " husband it is time for performing oral" and your husband says "why indeed it is time for performing oral how delightful."

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

No, actually. Much dirtier words are used.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I do t know them, and I mean no offense, but I’m guessing it would sound a little more akin to:

hhmmmmthhhhthhbnmmmmmmnpppppppphhhyyyyyyyyyyhhhttttttttttttssddshhshshshshssssssssssmmmsmsmsmsmmsmsssssppppppppppppwoooooooooooooooooeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppttfthhjhjjffffffffmmmmmmmmsmsmsmmssstthghhgggpop

But that’s just a guess.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

Got Dat grapefruit game

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago
[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

Steadman sucks her dick.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Nah lemme consensually bust in that pussy every morning and we good. You don't even need to be up. We got the contract for this.

Shoutouts to TimeStop and FreeUse.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

I want to click the link, but not sure…

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago

I need just a few minutes of Operahs time. 5 minutes tops. Just need her to tell this to my wife.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago

Does this include my boss? Because I’m not opposed to it as such, but he might be.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

This is like famous quotes on Norm MacDonald Live as read by Gilbert Gottfried

https://youtu.be/o3ZprSH0Y0U?si=NwPef1SuRZw7khAF

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

That bit reminds me of this classic from the Onion:

https://www.bobcesca.com/the_onion_on_la/

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

What if my employer is a woman?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

"Lickitongue, I choose youuuuuuuu!"

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

Was she talking about Dr. Oz or Dr. Phil?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

This regime whore prolly really thinks we all should suck her dick tbh since she is a hard working, bootstrapping boomer.