"Ay, you ever heard of Lemmy? Lemmy get your number?"

Lift with your knees, not your back.

Did it hurt when you fell down from heaven? Because you look pretty fucked up.

A guy on Tinder sent my friend a Patrick meme that said "Is mayonnaise an ice breaker?" I, a big Spongebob nerd, told her to pick that guy. They're married now.

Are you a beaver? 'Cos DAM

The longest relationship I ever had started this way: we were at a mutual friend's house with a bunch of our friends. I introduced myself, then sat across the room from them, in a big comfortable chair, and I fell asleep while looking at them. For some reason they thought this was charming.

Hey sexy mama, wanna kill all humans?

“I find the most erotic part of the woman is the boobies.”

“If I said you had a beautiful body would you take your pants off and dance around a little?”

Im happy single so one of y’all can have this one.

Are you a cigarette? Cause I wanna get you lit and put your butt in my mouth.

Savage one. If you see two girls in a club, go over and ask the one you are NOT interested in if they’d like to dance. When they say yes, say go on then I’ll keep your friend company.

"I'm here to apply for the position of your Next Bad Decision. My parents always said I was a mistake, so I think that makes me well qualified."

That's literally how I got my wife.

I heard one in Spanish that I liked.

"¡Si cocinas como camina me como hasta las raspitas!"

If you cook the way you walk, I'll eat even the scrapings from the pan.

So….. you’re a girl.

Y’ever seen someone solve a Rubik’s cube in just 5 seconds?

Yeah, me neither.

[silently hands over 3d puzzle]

Are you a plates in a drawer or plates in a cupboard kind of person?

I'm sure it'll work one of these days.

"What do you know about bionicles lore?"

Pull my finger.

Hi! So what do you think of assimilation?

I don't know if it's a pick up line, but when I get a girls number I immediately send her a picture of a rooster and ask if she likes unsolicited cock pics.

"you're pretty"

Oh fuck, I dropped this entire pack of cards on the ground. Can you help me?

Hey are you trying to blind me? Cause dang your clothes are stunning

[rolls D20 in front of her or on video. Nat 1.] Okay here goes nothing - [following my worst pickup line]

Me literally picking up a huge box with a fella: "don't you let go"

Lift and bonk later?

I'd be interested to know that myself as I've usually been so out of it quite what happened is unclear.

I envy your heart because it's pumping inside you