this post was submitted on 09 Aug 2024
175 points (97.3% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

26174 readers
3142 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
all 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 108 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Even two inches can make a big difference, just ask the guy who shot at Trump.

[–] [email protected] 45 points 1 month ago (1 children)

A joke like that will get you dumped by Jack Black and fired by your agents. At least if you're Kyle Gass.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Jack Black didn't dump anyone, he didn't want to get fucking shot on stage or have his family targeted by one of the 250 million firearms currently in American civilian circulation, primarily hoarded and used by MAGA right wing gun nuts. But do go on ........

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

If they wanted to target him, they've got the whole Post-apocalypto mini series where they kill Don Jr. with a machine gun after killing his KKK Nazi guards, so one joke is just adding to the pile of reasons he'll be drawn and quartered by them.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Not to worry, he has a magical healing ear. A couple days with a maxi pad on his head and not even a scar!

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Tampon don just has a nice ring to it

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Between the tampons and the Depends, the man is singlehandedly keeping the toiletries industry afloat.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

Soybeans in the BigMac's?

[–] [email protected] 34 points 1 month ago (3 children)

how small are their legs??

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 month ago (1 children)

or is this just parallax error?

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Look down at the thighs and

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago
[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago

A hand is holding the tape closer to the camera so it looks bigger. 15cm from pelvis to knee!! Not real.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Imagine if you had 6 inches swinging between your legs and it kept hitting your knees!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

Call me the grandfather clock

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago

Perspective is huger

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I'd rather have a thicc 6 than a thin 7

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 month ago (1 children)

As a bottom it genuinely depends on the day. Some days a dude hits me up on Grindr and if he uses the word thick or sends a pic that looks particularly thick and I'm noping out faster than you can say "oh God it burns"

Some days I'm like "I wonder if I can find a dude with a 2 liter bottle down there. Like Edward scissor hands. Jonathan two-liter-junk"

[–] [email protected] 41 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I honesty have no idea what that means, but regardless, I hope you have a happy butthole.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Most days I do, thank you. I wish you the very same. Happy butthole, happy butthole to all!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Thanks. I had a very happy butthole last night. Very happy indeed.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I kinda wanna know the story... Lol

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

I'm bi, and I have a very long lasting occasional gay FWB thing going and we agreed it would be fun to have a sleepover. Him promising to fuck me all night long was an irresistable suggestion. Well of course he didn't literally fuck me all night long, but he had my precum flowing for hours. He played with my butthole gently for a looong time, keeping his fingers a lot less deep than usual, mainly just the entrance. Just that fingertip (he'd previiously cut his fingernails very short so everything was soft and not scratchy), that fingertip pressed along my hole, and popping gently in and out, stimulating the nerve endings just inside me. Usually I want something bigger urgently but we were deliberately taking our time and I was in bliss. He teased me with the tip of his dick quite a bit nearer the end. I didn't stay hard the whole time but I was soooo turned on and I was certainly leaking precum all the time. He often uses my precum as well as his to lube my hole, and last night was no exception. Once he put himself inside me, I kept being sure I was about to cum, dick still soft, (and I've been chasing that for years). Last night was another attempt. I was so stimulated and maaad for it and he was going so slowly and gently my mind was cartwheeling. I would love to say that I've cum from anal alone, but there's always a bit of dick action before I do. I was so sure it was gonna happen! It didn't. Partly because when I thought it was gonna happen I got hard again and he started messing around with my dick, rubbing it here and there, not wanking me, just rubbing my precum drenched cock on me and on his hand and on his tummy (he knows I have a thing for belly buttons) and I just came all over myself. He didn't finish inside me, he just spurted all his cum with his dickhead pressed against me, spurting directly on my bumhole and I could feel it all happening. We do that more often than not because it's easier to clean up and I don't worry about cum leaking out at work or something. If you look in my comment history you can read the other time I told lemmy what we did when he most recently did cum inside me.

When we were younger, hornier, crazier and more risk taking, and we worked at the same place, we did sometimes hook up in the loos at work, but there's absolutely no way I would dream of doing that now.

So anyway, he made my butthole feel like magic until about 3am and then we both fell asleep, and I wasn't even sore in the morning. A bit sticky and very tired, but not sore. My guy can play my body like a fiddle. I wasn't working that day, so I didn't shower and walked around in public, shops etc with all our precum and cum plastered all over my bum and taint. I only showered in the evening. It was partly laziness, but it was also being secretly proud of it. Sometimes I still think and act like a horny teenager.

Edit: Here's the other comment thread I was referring to:
https://lemmynsfw.com/post/13246982
https://lemmynsfw.com/comment/7691421

That time it was some stuff that @[email protected] posted that inspired me to get fucked so I asked my FWB to come fuck me. This time it was my FWB who suggested the sleepover so he could fuck me all night, and that's where you come in asking me a later how come my butthole was so happy!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

You’re a damned hero. Thanks for taking us on this ride.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

I don’t often top but I want in on this

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 weeks ago

Oh fuck, @joshoff, you're a stud hero on lemmy and here you are talking about hitting my ass! You're way out of my league and on another continent, but you didn't half make me feel sexy with this comment. Thank you.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago

That’s right, ladies 😏

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

It's all about how close the eye of the beholder is to the penis...I mean tape measuring tool.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Now do the same thing with 2" please, I need it for....reasons

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

I'm sure I've seen at least one community for that over here on lemmynsfw.