this post was submitted on 01 Sep 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] [email protected] 247 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (9 children)

She isn't going to order her own meatballs and is going to pick off his plate. He wanted to make sure he got to eat his fill before sharing.

[–] [email protected] 50 points 2 weeks ago

That's a good theory.

[–] [email protected] 41 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I've literally done exactly this

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)
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[–] [email protected] 30 points 2 weeks ago

He knows his wife likes the meatballs, but isn't going to order her own, so he eats two, claims he's stuffed, and let's her have the last one.

He actually is stuffed, because the ones she saw him eat were actually numbers 7 & 8 and she's happy because she gets a meatball without ordering extra food.

So wholesome!

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 weeks ago

Joey doesn't share food!

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[–] [email protected] 139 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Probably he's on a diet and his wife won't let him eat more than 1 order of meatballs.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 134 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

WHAT WAS HE HIDING

That he wanted six extra meatballs?

[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 weeks ago

Maybe it’s a trick question.

Like maybe he was hiding a corpse in the trunk of his car, which he murdered by slitting their throat with Occam’s razor.

[–] [email protected] 69 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (4 children)

Imagine all the time this guy saves by typing like he's doing it with his fucking face

[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 weeks ago

It's sorta greentext-like

[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 weeks ago

He's an amateur, he typed out "ate" instead of using "8"!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

b4

That’s a bingo!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago

But what is he hiding?

[–] [email protected] 66 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Bro wants to eat his own meatballs

Wife wants to eat his meatballs, and not ask for her own

Bro gets early, gets his own meatballs.

Wife gets to restaurant, sees new meatballs

She starts picking on husband meatballs

Bro shares

Wife happy

Everyone happy

[–] [email protected] 37 points 1 week ago

This is probably the most charitable interpretation of this scenario. Good for you.

I figured his wife put him on a diet and he was having none (or three times) of it.

[–] [email protected] 41 points 2 weeks ago

His heart disease

[–] [email protected] 39 points 2 weeks ago (23 children)

I know someone who's husband would go to taco bell in secret and she would see the charge alerts on her phone.

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[–] [email protected] 37 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

He’s cheating on his diet, as others mentioned. I feel like you should be able to just talk to your wife about going off diet once in a while…

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[–] [email protected] 34 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I don't know why i'm a fat diabetic

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[–] [email protected] 33 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

“ Wait… I worry what you heard was, ‘Give me a lot of bacon and eggs.’ What I said was, give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Do you understand?”

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[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 week ago (2 children)

"WHAT WAS HE HIDING?"

Well, meatballs, obviously.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 week ago

He knew his wife "wasn't gonna be hungry," and would "share," his meatballs. The man just needed to get full first, so he wasn't starving after.

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[–] [email protected] 24 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Don't tell him they are made of meat, though

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 week ago (1 children)

This reminds me of how when I was young, my dad would get us an extra order of desert when mom left to use the restroom. It was the best dad move. Ofc I was an anxiety case while trying to eat the ice cream before mom got back, it was that intense anxiety where it felt something was following you. Do you know? No. All you know is that every fiber in your being told you you needed get out of that old warehouse as soon as possible. You keep running, avoiding roots and rocks. You keep second guessing yourself. Where we alone? You look to see if Sam followed you but he's nowhere to be seen. You swear you two looked at eachother with the same chill just moments ago. You call out to him, but you hear nothing. You slow down and turn around but the sun has already set and the trees shroud any sense of direction. You call out again, but regret it instantly.

The weight of something big is coming.

You pick a direction and go in an all out sprint. You don't know where you are going but know whatever has been tracking you is behind you. You are now shrieking call for Sam but he is long gone. The ground below you shifts as you come to a steep decline. You stumble but catch yourself, only to find the moss on the ground won't hold you. You slip and roll into a ravine, and as you fall your ankle hits a rock. You don't know if it's broken but at this point you know that whatever is behind you is worse than the pain of each step. You are limping but moving, but now you are losing ground. The bushes burst open behind you and in the shock you fall back down, firmly breaking the leg you tried so hard to ignore. You turn over while you writhe in pain to see what remained of Sam being held by what couldn't be a man but couldn't be a beast. He comes forward smelling the air furiously. You didn't want to believe it, but Sam was taken and soon you will be too. In your final moments, a face finally comes 2 inches from yours.

You didn't want to believe things could go south so fast. You didn't want to believe Sam was dead. You didn't want to believe you never would sleep in your bed or eat rainbow Sherbet again. You didn't want to believe your eyes when you saw him-

Shia LaBeouf.

Anyway when mom came back dad would always take the heat for us, but he's a funny guy and mom couldn't stay mad for long.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Damn, how long did your mom spend in restaurant bathrooms?

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago

She was stealing 5 gallons of pink soap.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 week ago

You just dont understand, some people need to do recon missions before comitting to the charge.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

She's gonna complain about the bill.

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago

Holy shit this thread

Meme : weird event happens at restaurant, only context is that man was hiding his actions for whatever reason"

ITT: FUCKING WIVES AMIRITE

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Meh.

I was getting a Chinese takeout a while back. A guy came in to pick up his order and sank 4 cans of Carlsberg Special Brew (7.5% ABV) in the 5 minutes it took them to get it ready for him. He wasn't savouring this beer, he was just fucking necking it as fast as possible.

Who knows the struggles other people are going through and the things they do to get through the day without losing it.

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 weeks ago

Gout, probably

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

WHAT WAS HE HIDING?

The reason for his obesity?

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 week ago
[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 weeks ago

Ball is life

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Inflating the bill so when they get the check he can be like "Holy hell! That's way more expensive than I thought. We might not be able to come here again." And save money by not going out to a restaurant ever again.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

looks at bill

9 MEATBALLS?

We only had three

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