554
submitted 1 month ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[-] [email protected] 89 points 1 month ago

I'd pick wolf. They generally leave you alone and don't want anything to do with you. I don't know shit about gorillas

[-] [email protected] 42 points 1 month ago

Gorillas will tear off your face and testicles AFAIK. Just imagine the depraved shit a human would do to you assuming they could get away with it without repercussion.

They wouldn't hesitate to fuck you up.

[-] [email protected] 48 points 1 month ago

Gorillas are WAY more chill than chimpanzees. Just dint make eye contact and be respectful to the gorilla and it will leave you alone. They know that they are capable of fucking you up, and they know you know.

[-] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago

Especially since it's a single wolf. I don't think I'd choose a pack over the others.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] [email protected] 78 points 1 month ago

I choose the wolf. I already have 2 inside me, they'll just see me as another member of the pack.

[-] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago

sounds kinda gay ngl

load more comments (4 replies)
[-] [email protected] 57 points 1 month ago

Does this forest get smaller over the course of the night like a hunger games arena?

[-] [email protected] 26 points 1 month ago
[-] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago

We should do the opposite of Noah's arc where we put 2 of every animal, including humans, in the Houston Astrodome and have them fight to the death until one emerges.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

He didnt say forest. He said Forrest, as in Gump. Maybe Forrest gets smaller as he gets old.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] [email protected] 38 points 1 month ago

Wolf. Wolves are naturally shy of humans, and while gorillas are also, gorillas are also much bigger and stronger. If one decides it's mad at you it will pull your limbs off. Or worse. A wolf will try to rip you apart and tear your throat out if it's mad at you, but since it's in a different weight class you might actually stand a chance if you curl up in the fetal position or whack it in the face with a rock.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] [email protected] 37 points 1 month ago

Wolf attacks on humans are rare but common enough to have their own Wikipedia page, but there's no record of wild gorillas killing anyone.

Which means they're either super chill, or really fucking sneaky about it.

[-] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago

IIRC gorillas are indeed pretty chill if you respect their territorial instincts, as opposed to, say, a chimp that might try to kill you more or less on a whim

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago

Wolves are also a lot more common, though.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

Or they happen in Africa so we don't usually hear about them.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] [email protected] 37 points 1 month ago

Gorilla? I feel like being super submissive and not making eye contact would probably keep it from tearing off my arms to use as drumsticks? I'm not a gorilla expert though, so anyone who knows more can feel free to tell me. Although I guess with a wolf, you could just climb a tree and be ok, depending on how long you have to stay. Either, I guess. I'm pretty convinced that I'll die trying to pet a wild animal when the moron part of my brain tells me it's friend-shaped, anyway, so whatever.

load more comments (5 replies)
[-] [email protected] 22 points 1 month ago

I'm going Wolf personally. I might have a chance with a wolf, gorillas are stupid strong. No thanks.

load more comments (2 replies)
[-] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago

A single wolf is just a big dog. A gorilla can pick you up and tear you in half.

load more comments (3 replies)
[-] [email protected] 20 points 1 month ago

Really missed the opportunity to have the top bracket be "Lions" and "Tigers"

[-] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago

Lions, Tigers, and Bears, no man!

[-] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago

Wolf def the safest option. Most likely to leave you alone.

[-] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

We tamed them once, we can do it again!

load more comments (3 replies)
[-] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago

RIP Harambe. 😭

[-] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago

A gorilla with a wolf tied to it's back, riding a bear.

[-] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

Isn't that that survivalist dude that drinks piss? Bear Grilf?

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[-] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago

Wolf for sure, you can bribe a wolf a lot easier than a gorilla, you move in a way that gorilla doesn't like and you dead.

[-] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago

Well Todd, it looks like Wolf might be the clear winner in today's matchup but what I think spectators are really want to know is how the next round will fare.

[-] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago

The other side of the bracket is all the cuddly ones.

load more comments (2 replies)
[-] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago
[-] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago

HELL YEAH BRÖTHER! WOLVES WILL RESPECT YOUR PERSONAL SPACE AS LONG AS YOU RESPECT THEIRS! THEY COULD ALSO RAISE YOUR YOUNG 'UNS TO FORM ONE OF THE MOST HISTORICALLY AND CULTURALLY RELEVANT CITIES/EMPIRES IN HISTORY! AROOOOOOOOOOO(ME)

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago
load more comments (1 replies)
[-] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago

Forrest like Gump or Forrest like Nathan Bedford?

load more comments (2 replies)
[-] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago

Even though it's the most prolific killer of the animal kingdom, the winner of the competition turned out to be the mosquito.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

The Tarzan kid part of me wants to say gorilla but the dog person in me would definitely choose the wolf. That's a tough one.

[-] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

Definitely wolf. If I get trapped with a gorilla and some shots it to save me, humanity get will get so much negative karma on top of what we are still paying from 2016 and I won't be able to live with the guilt.

[-] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

Wolf. Not only do I think my chances are better, I'd also feel less bad about trying to fuck up a wolf if I had to

[-] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago

Considering there's basically no chance of fucking up the gorilla, I don't think you'd have to worry about the ethics of the situation.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

I picked man over bear because man probably won't eat you. But if gorilla is a choice, that wins. Gorilla is friend as long as you keep your head low and he knows he's the boss. Also don't suprise him.

[-] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

because man probably won't eat you.

that's why I dumped my last boyfriend

load more comments (7 replies)
load more comments (15 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›
this post was submitted on 14 May 2024
554 points (92.6% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

25037 readers
3883 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS