Blow some cannabis smoke in my face and point me in the direction of a comfortable chair. Now it’s a chill hangout session, not a boss fight. But you still win.

Completion reward: let’s share some pretzels

Ask me about something I'm above average knowledged about that I'm also interested in, and then you can disarm the bomb, save the pricess, destroy my entire species before I'm done oversharing the introductory part or even its preface.

My psych patient realizes how to kill themselves while on watch. I love my technicians but 90% of them don't have enough attention span or intuition to catch it. The only reason I caught it that one time was because I spent my 4 years in school sitting 1:1 as a job and one of my pastimes was looking around the room and trying to figure out how I would do it. I had a patient pick probably the single method most likely to be successful actually. The look of shock on their face when I immediately snatched it was almost worth the paperwork. It would have been even cooler if I'd told them I thought of that three years prior but there was some grappling involved and I was pretty out of breath. And no, I'm not telling you what the method is, but TLDR: nobody's beat me at this particular game just yet.

Bring as many npcs in the room as possible; then wait for the social anxiety to make me lock up

Whistle any 70s rock song melody

Ask nicely if they can scooch past. Id be mortified that I was in the way at all.

They'd probably handle me the same way as the fish boss in Earthworm Jim. Just one smack to the face and I'm done. That's all it takes.

Shares a granola bar full of peanuts and lies and tells me there's no peanuts in it. RIP me.

idk probably like detaching my brain stem with a hammer or something

A look of disappointment and a sigh.

By making me chase after them for more than 30 seconds. Just go ahead, I'll catch up later.

Steady, unrelenting emotional abuse.

Attack at dawn.

Wait out my timer or go around me.

⚠️ wet floor ⚠️

I was driven mad by the unrelenting noises of society. The clamor, the insanity of humanity. The protagonistic figure decides a more peaceful option is adequate for my type of villainy and offers me quiet respite. A lovely cottage suitable for my hermit-like needs.

With this, I am at peace. I have a home. I have quiet. No quarrels with the world anymore

Subtly undermine my self-confidence.

Any way he choose. How would pick my as boss? That's a very bad move.

Show me the error in my ways so I can learn from it, or transform me from bad to good.

Exploiting my hubris.

I actually wrote out an outline for this back when I was making small videogames as a hobby. I never actually made the game, which was probably overly ambitious, which is fitting because it was a game about ambition and hubris with me as the villains (multiverse shenanigans) and a pair of scrappy teenage sleuths as the protagonists.

I dunno, but you can skip the boss fight if you bring me some nice food

Crouton Cannon
Glade Plugins

Takes away my coffee

Distract me with food and drink.

Cheese.

Either the edible kind or the repetitive-bullshit-but-it-works kind.

Probably shooting the chips from cutting a log with a chainsaw at my face. That’s gotten be at some point painful and extremely annoying.

Tell me they're going to meet me at like 5pm, and never show.

I'm not an incompetent fighter or anything. I assume it wouldn't be a chance encounter, though, and I'd probably be prepared. In that case, well, they'd definitely have their work cut out for them. Prepare to dodge bullets, and engage in hand-to-hand combat with someone who can take a good beating before giving up.

I'm exhausted easily in my current state, however. Anything more than a short close quarters fight will likely do me in. That is, importantly, assuming I don't use 💫drugs💫.

Laugh at me and say I’m stupid.

I'm gonna say donuts

Intended method: three phase fight where the PC must break a magic shield before I get off a spell (DPS check). Breaking the shield releases a shockwave which either needs to be dodged or cancelled by an optional item (magic earmuffs). Failure to break the shield fails the fight, sends them to the room before (fuck you watch the whole cutscenes again)

Pacifist method: compliment me a couple of times and I won't know what to do with myself. I teleport away, leaving the key

Showing me a picture of your mother lmao gottem